Lessons from Children to Parents

I've been thinking quite a bit the last two weeks about the role of a parent in the life of a child.  Most of my processing has come after conversations with students.  Their words challenge me to be a better parent.

Here are some of the things I am learning from them:

• Children want someone to care (even when they act like they don't).  Your children may tell you to quit nagging, to "not worry about it", they may even be pretty vocal about not wanting you in their business.  But from what I am learning,  no matter what they say, they need and want someone to care (i.e. Did you get your homework done? Do you have clean clothes? What time will you be home? Who do you think you're dating??)
• Children need someone to listen.  I was cooking dinner at church a couple evenings ago and a high school girl came to meet me there directly after school.  She could not get words out fast enough.  At one point, she stopped and asked me if she was talking to much.  It got me thinking. How many times do I hurry my own daughter through what she is trying to tell me? How many times do I just not hear her at all?  No kiddo should feel like they are talking too much or that their parent doesn't want to/have time to listen.   Children are processing through so much, they need someone to listen (not always give advice, but to always listen).
• Children need a parent who is emotionally available.  When we as parents have so much pain or chaos in our own lives, we become emotionally closed to those around us.  Unfortunately, this has a negative effect on our children.  Children need a parent or parents who have emotional margin to help their children navigate through this broken and painful world.  Parents, we must seek healing so we can help our children find it as well. (Jesus is the only one who can offer this  healing.  Not alcohol, not drugs, not sex, not money)
• Children need parents who will not abuse or neglect them.  Parents, please don't abuse your children.  Please, please don't neglect their needs in pursuit of meeting your own.  This is what keeps me awake at night more than anything else.  Children are to be cherished, to be loved. 
• Children need someone they can look up to.  When children look up, they see their parents first.  Are we as parents living our lives in a way we want our children to live?  Are we living out our faith in a way they can follow?  Would we want our children to model their behavior after ours?  We are creating cycles and patterns for our children that will be hard for them to break. What kind of cycles and patterns are we creating?  I need to keep asking myself that.
• Children need to be tucked in at night, to feel safe. I once had a student tell me that their home was unsafe.  Another shared a story with me about numerous times they had to leave their home to escape some kind of imminent danger.  This lack of security is often too much for a child to handle.  Every child needs someone in their life who will tuck them in at night "snug as a bug in a rug."  They need someone who will always have their back. 
• Children need to be reminded that they are not alone.  At the dance studio today, Stella came out of her ballet class just to make sure that I was sitting in the same place I was when she went to class.  On the way home I asked her why she did that.  She told me, "I was feeling lonely and I wanted to make sure you were still there."  Every week I reassure her that I will be there waiting for her, this time she wanted to make sure my words were true.  When our children are lonely, do they know where to find us? 
• Parents, your presence at home is meaningful.  A child should have someone in their life they can count on.  A child should know to where to find their parent when they need them.  I know that there is a lot of debate over "quality vs. quantity" of time spent with our children.  From what I am learning, kids just want someone (specifically a parent) that will be there for them, spending time at home with them.  
• Future lessons go here.

Parenting can be overwhelming.  It's scary to think that I have this much influence over any life, but the reality is...I do.  In fact, we all do.  Parents or not.   I am continuously thankful that I serve a God who is strong in my weakness, who fills in the gaps when I cannot, and is routing for me to be the best parent I can be.  Apart from Him, I fail.  With Him (and lots of grace and "I'm sorries"), I'm finding my way as I learn from those around me.

If you are a parent who feels like you are able to provide this for your own children, perhaps it is time to also find another kiddo who needs a strong, stable adult in their life.  For those of you who are not currently parents or your kiddos are all grown, the call is for you as well.  Is their a child that you can come alongside and offer support?  There are lots of hurting kids and each needs a pit crew.

Back to School Store

We will be collecting donations for school supplies, then hosting a store for families to purchase supplies at discounted rates. Proceeds from the store will then be given to a local public school to purchase any necessary supplies they may be lacking. Your donation will 1) bless you as you 2) empower us as parents to prepare our kids for school AND 3) resource a local school! 

i like adoption

What is your passion? Do you have that "one thing" you just can't shake? It's the gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach that aches for that one cause, people group, interest, hobby, etc.  It's often the subject that evokes an involuntary response when it is brought to your attention.

For me, it's adoption.  Several years ago I attended a leadership conference in Atlanta. During a session, the emcee brought a couple up on stage to share their story of adoption.  I'm sure everyone in the stadium heard me...I was the lady weeping in her seat. Not the quiet, lady-like cry. It was the ugly cry. I couldn't contain myself.  

Through the journey of adopting our Sugarbee and fostering others, those deep feelings have not lessened, in fact, they have grown all the more.  As I parent my four-year-old adopted daughter, I cannot imagine her being any more mine, and me hers.  I know I could not love her any more than I do at this moment.  It's makes me a little weepy even now as I watch her playing with her princesses on daddy's lap.  She is my wish come true.

In James 1:27 it says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Caring for the fatherless, for the orphan, was and is important to the Lord.  He even goes as far to tell us that "anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me."-Matthew 18:5

Foster Care and Adoption Stats:
There are 400,000 children in foster care in the United States.
650,000 children spent time in out-of-home care last year.
Currently, there are 9,294 children in Indiana in foster care. 2,886 of the children in foster care are available and awaiting adoptive families.
There are a total of 153,000,000 orphans worldwide.

The need is great.  

Here is a great video of an adopted family:

At a Foster Care and Adoption Symposium today they showed a trailer for a documentary called STUCK.  The documentary highlights the way International Adoption is on the decline in our country because of various closed countries and the laws that coincide, while over 10 million children in orphanages wait for a family.  I felt so moved as I watched.  There are many children who need homes and yet it is so difficult to get to them. Please, take two minutes and watch this:

Yes, the need is great, but I believe we can make a difference.  Is God asking you to get involved? I'd love to talk with you more if you're interested.  Feel free to leave a comment or email carriebad@gmail.com if you'd like to talk more about adoption.

i really like adoption,

carrie

Love in the Everyday Shabbiness

It's been a minute("a minute" is what my kids say when they mean a long time) since I last blogged.  I've struggled lately to know when to blog and what to blog about.  When I first moved to Keller Park, I wanted to share everything just as fast as it was happening.  Life in Keller Park was new and it brought with it an excitement that came from the fury of activity. Over time, it became more difficult to put my fingers on the keys of the keyboard to share what had been taking place in our ministry and in our neighborhood.  After lots of thought, I believe that the difficulty came because of one of two reasons:

1. The more I get to know the people in the KP, the more I respect and love them.  My neighbors, like yours, have incredible life stories and each have experiences that are unlike anyone else's.  As I get to know the people in my neighborhood, whether adults or children, it is clear that they alone are the owner of their stories.  I want to be so careful not to share someone else's story.  I value deeply their confidence and trust and I want to do nothing that will hinder that.  So...when I question whether or not the story is mine or theirs to share, I will error on the side of caution and not put my fingers to the keys.
2. The "flash in the pan" moments are few and far between. The newness and fury of eighteen months ago has turned into a more steady, everyday commitment to the people of Keller Park.  Someone once told me that the deepest moments in ministry don't always look good on a newsletter...I have found this to be true in my life and ministry.

A few weekends ago, I attended a Live simulcast of The Justice Conference that took place in Philadelphia, PA. One of the presenters, Gary Haugen, President of International Justice Mission (IJM), presented on the topic of LOVE.  He seemed to speak right to my #2.  He said things like this:

We must love in the everyday shabbiness.

We need a love that overcomes monotony, far from the public eye that the Lord sees and honors in secret.

Love that changes the world is long and laborious.

It will cost time and tedium to really make a difference. 

I'm really thankful that I was able to hear the words of Gary Haugen.  Because, in reality, most days in my life and ministry are not at all flashy. Each week looks much like the week before, the days come and go. There are times when things seem overly difficult and I wish I could find my rose-colored glasses so I could wear them for a few minutes. Gary reminded me that I just need to be faithful in the everyday shabbiness because it is the love that is long and laborious that will change the neighborhood of Keller Park.

Over the next several months, I would like to share with you some of the ways that God has shown Himself to me through our ministry in Keller Park.  They are mostly "everyday moments" that are headlines in my life.  I've also asked some of the students I work with to share with you as guest writers.  I'll let them share their stories.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

-carrie